Calm yourselves, my lovelies. Nothing drastic has happened.
Today's title is more about the differences in what new moms are told to expect and what my reality was like . . . and how the difference can cause some big confusions that may lead some to make hasty decisions.
Lie #1: You'll know you're in labor when your contractions last for at least one minute and are five minutes or less apart.For most women, this is probably a good rule of thumb. For me, I was in active labor long before my contractions regulated to this standard and only after medication. If I had waited for the rule of thumb, my life and Little Alex's would have been in serious danger. The best rule of thumb? Trust your gut. If you think you are in labor, call your doctor and let them know what is going on. Most of the time, if you are close enough to your due date, they'll at least have you come into the office to check your dilation and contractions and decide from there. If you ever feel like your doctor is blowing you off and you feel something is just not right and you think you need to get seen by a medical professional, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. ER doctors see people for something that isn't an emergency all the time. In fact, unless they work at a state funded teaching hospital in a large city, most ER staff see maybe 5 or 6 big emergencies in a month. Never feel like you can't go to an emergency room because you don't think your issue is serious enough. Many serious issues are only discovered because the patient "just didn't feel right" and wanted to get seen right away. If you don't feel like going to the ER but think you might need a doctor, at least get yourself to an urgent care center. Sure, Urgent Care and ER visits are more expensive than a trip to your doctor's office but can you really put a price on your peace of mind and health? Nah . . . I didn't think so.
Lie #2: When you are breastfeeding, if your baby has a good latch, it won't hurt. The truth is when you are breastfeeding, if your baby has a good latch, it won't hurt eventually. I do understand why the L&D nurses and Lactation Consultants at the hospitals say this. So many women choose not to breastfeed for fear of the pain and with breast milk being so superior to formula, the medical community wants to encourage new moms to breastfeed from day 1 and ease their fears. For me, those first two weeks of breastfeeding hurt. It really, REALLY hurt. Don't get me wrong, the first couple of days were awkward but not bad. But each days got more and more uncomfortable. I was sure I was doing something wrong. After all, the staff at the hospital said it wouldn't hurt if he was latched properly and since I was sore with every feeding, that must mean he isn't latched right which obviously means he isn't getting enough milk and hence, I'm failing at breastfeeding and as a mother, right?
WRONG!
Let's face it, unless you have a super spicy love life (Hey, I'm not judging! If you do, rock it!) your poor nipples aren't accustomed to being sucked on for 10 - 45 minutes at a time every one to three hours. All that suction takes its toll and it'll take a few weeks for your nipples to toughen up. Once THAT happens, THEN it shouldn't hurt. So then the question becomes how do I survive until then?
Take your medicines.
I'm not usually an advocate for pharmacological treatments but my darlings you will do so much better taking those medicines. For starters, taking those pain meds will allow you to get up and walk around and that is the best way to get back to feeling like the superwoman you are.
It will also allow you to get up and take a shower. Trust me, my lovelies, a simple shower goes a long way towards feeling human. Himself and I took advantage of having the nursery watch Little Alex so he could help me shower. You WILL want this. You will be tired. You will be sore. You will probably feel like you've been sitting in a muddy swamp after the first 24 hours has passed. A long hot shower will be pure bliss. Have your partner with you and get super pampered by having them do all the work for you. After all, you just spent 9 months turning food into a person and then pushed that watermelon-sized human being out of a space that only gets as big as a lemon. You deserve a break. (It's the only one you'll get from now on, Mommy.)
Get your beloved to scrub you down, wash your hair (Robert Redford that shit), and maybe even massage your muscles a bit. Remember to be gentle with the muscle rubs. You've probably had a lot of needle sticks and those hurt when pressed. This is supposed to feel nice, not ouchy. I also packed myself a nice spray of my favorite soothing essential oils. It's super simple to make; just get a travel sized spritz bottle and put a total of 25-30 drops of your favorite scents. I used Lavender and Geranium for their calming effect. They have the added bonus of being anti-microbial and anti-bacterial.
Your pain meds will also help dull the ouch of your little piglet suckling until your nipples toughen. I'll be brutally honest with you ladies: Breastfeeding is not easy for the first month. It's not terribly comfortable during that time and it takes a little while before you and baby get the hang of all the nuances. You have positioning to get down, latch, timing, frequency, plus your own milk production and flow rate has to adjust to your bairn's feeding demands. Not at all a simple thing. I promise you, it gets SO much better. Rather quickly, too. Once you get through that first month, you'll wonder how you ever thought it was difficult. And it is so worth it. Not only from a nutritional and health standpoint (which you can read about in just about every baby guide. Heck, even formula companies will tell you "Breast is Best") but from an emotional standpoint as well. There have been some hard days with Little Alex. Sometimes I am not fully sure that I will survive this whole motherhood thing. But then I sit down for a feeding, hold him in my arms and those big blue eyes look up at me.... Pure heaven. I'll go into the whole breastfeeding thing in another post. There's simply too much to put in this one.
Just note that Breastfeeding = best feeling ever.
Lie #3: If you don't have a birth plan written out, you won't get the birth experience you want.Here's the deal. Yes, you should know what you want, what you are and aren't comfortable with and what you feel would give you the most positive experience for the delivery of your baby. You and your doctor should go over what each of you expect to happen and what you each consider standard procedure. Some doctors, for example, only have women deliver in the commonly seen reclining position. Other doctors will encourage multiple delivery positions based on the mother's body, stamina, and baby's size and position. Some hospitals allow the whole family in the room from start to finish. Others only allow the staff and the mother's partner. Hopefully, your doctor will go over these things with you around 28 weeks. Once your doctor knows what your preferences are (and that's really all a birth plan is: a list of preferences) start preparing for worst case scenarios. Accept that nothing in your birth plan will happen.
Sure, that sounds harsh and frightening. The truth is that once sperm meets egg, your control over the situation and your body have gone bye-bye. The sooner you accept that, the less stressed you will be. Things are going to happen, and probably not the way you want them to. You do what you can to take care of yourself and your baby, but ultimately, its all in the hands of genetics. Just roll with it and be informed. The more knowledge you have about the situation the more in control you will feel and the better you can make the right decision for you and your baby.
I think that will be all for now. I'm sure I'll think of more later and if I do, I'll make sure to do a follow-up posting!
